The Usual Comments

If you’re rude to me, or about the Ka:

There’s a pattern emerging from people who observe this Ka, and here are some of the usuals:

Why are you not in the Ka Klub?

Primarily because the founder, Steve Stunt or “Stunty,” made a series of unreasonable, prejudged and plain stupid demands of me. I’ve nothing against the Klub per se, but I refuse to be told that I must not promote anything other than “the Klub” when the vast majority of other Klub members promote other stuff via their Ka other than the Klub. See here for more details, or drop me a line, unlike the Klub I’m happy to talk about it. J

The Ka is the biggest pile of poo ever to have four wheels! Why are you wasting your time on the site?

Read the Welcome page, numpty. I don’t have a Ka any more – at least as I write this I don’t, heh.

Oh, really? Why has the reader (a) bothered to look at the site, and (b) bothered to tell me this? It’s pretty obvious that I’m a fan of the Ka so a comment like the above isn’t going to change my mind, and that should also be pretty obvious.

It’s also quite common for these individuals to have never tried the Ka in the context of what it is designed to do. The sources of such remarks have probably never tried a Ka, or have but would never consider one because they prefer (or think they need) a larger car.

The statement is also blatantly untrue - the Ka hasn’t won awards for nothing. Perhaps the author of such comments is afraid of a different design. Ah well; they’re more to be pitied than scolded!

Or at least called a Muppet.

You drive a girl’s car!

Another popular snide remark. It’s also horse manure; it is my name on the V5 registration document and I’m not a girl. I don’t especially think that the Ka is a girlie car - no more than any other small car, that is!

I cannot abide chauvinists, racists, bigots and narrow-minded individuals.

The Ka is too slow / small / thirsty / expensive / poorly equipped* for me. (*delete as applicable)

Great. Thanks for sharing that with me! For the most part, you generally get what you pay for. The Ka is quite unusual in that all models across the range have the same mechanical specification, the only difference being that some models have 13” wheels and some have larger 14” alloys. All get the same suspension settings, the same engine and the same gearing. All have virtually equal performance and economy (models equipped with 14” wheels do have a higher fuel consumption). The base car gets the fluent handling and good ride of the Luxury, it’s just that the Luxury gets better equipment as standard, and more toys.

What was the point in doing [insert modification here]?

They keep on coming! The reason why I did a certain modification will be documented in the site, so please read it before asking me. However, if you just want to tell me how pants it looks, then I would direct you to the top of this page.

You don’t know what you’re talking about! [insert rant here because I’ve “dissed da Nova” or similar].

Yeah, okay, right, whatever, uh-huh, have you finished yet? All opinions stated on this site are from the DervMan, unless otherwise stated, and if you don’t agree, tough luck, really. One of the wonders of the Internet is that I can put up here what I want and if you read it, it’s your call.

“You really need to get a life, chaity events are good, but Ford Ka’s are crap and its sad you’ve got a diary for one!”

(from mike_redlion@btinternet.com)

Note I’ve left the spelling errors in there. Well, Mike, you know you’re absolutely right. Why do I have a Ka, a diary and a website. Why I think I’ll close the website and get a proper car instead.

Muppet!

Why have you concentrated on cosmetic modifications rather than sorted out the engine?

That’s actually quite a good question, but to answer it is beyond the scope of this little article – so I’d direct you here for further detail!

I think you’re a sad little geeky individual with no friends and too much money to spend on your car!

You’ve really not thought through your argument, here, now have you? First off, outside of the confines of this little bit of Internet territory, I have a reasonably normal life. But I’m neither sad not little, although I am certainly geeky. I have lots of friends. And as for too much money? Are you serious? Do you think somebody with too much money would be driving around in a Ka? No. They’d be driving around in an Aston Martin.

Muppet!

Why do you hate Norwich so much?

Actually, I don’t hate Norwich; just some of the people in the city are strange. As a rule of thumb, they’re xenophobic, back stabbing, bitching, liars. I can’t detail why I left Norwich because my previous employers have a gagging clause, because they backed down (despite what they might tell my ex-colleagues, heh). Norwich itself is a decent city, although it has very little on York.

“I think your really stupit [expletive deleted] and my Peugoet will beat u in a race.”

I quoted the above. Impressive, since he meant to write, “I think you’re really stupid,” blimey he’s more Muppet than Kermit! Yeah, whatever, when you can be bothered to put your Peugeot 10¹/₆ down the strip, whatever.

Why do you hate Golfs so much?

Perhaps until the mark five! But it’s because Golfs are lardy, overweight, understeery, sloppy, soft, underpowered sheaps of hit, typically bought by arrogant gits who think they’ve a superior vehicle to most others on the road and that they have a right to take up two spaces at supermarkets. Spotting a Golf on a twisty bit of road is as easy as spotting the driver at a New Year’s Party.

A Golf TDI is an example of a splendid engine wrapped up in a dire car. Not that I have a chip on my shoulder, you appreciate.